‘You keep complaining and putting sanctions on me, but I don’t care.
I want to be king of this space I now have and am expanding it.
I don’t believe in democracy.
I believe in me. In Vladimir. King Vladimir to you.
I have enough oil and gas and wheat and aluminum, platinum and palladium and nickel. We have it all. I don’t need you.
I have Russians under my control. Have managed, with great skill, to silence their voices, to keep them quiet so they won’t disturb my plans. I haven’t asked them to kneel before me but maybe will one day soon.
There are a few dissenters, but I deal with them effectively and reduce them to mere nuisance. They are alive because of my charitable spirit.
I am one of the great leaders the world has ever known. But the West keeps calling me an autocrat. A despot.
I get no respect. Which is why I am forced to invade Ukraine.
It is your fault that I have invaded those poor souls.
I love Ukraine. They are my brothers and sisters.
My heart bleeds when I see the number of dead Ukrainians rising.
Sometimes I even weep.
But then I remind myself that it is your fault. It is because of you that they’re dying. You have no shame and have forced my hand.
I am a peace loving man.
Sure, I’ve had to kill thousands of people in Chechnya and Georgia in years past — and now in Syria too — but that was because they listened to you and wanted to be independent.
Independence from the great Russia is wrong.
I am a man with a very broad mind.
For instance, I have the greatest respect for Donald Trump, who always said, America First. Well, I’m doing the same thing. Russia First. I learned from him.
And I know he has great respect for me. The other day, when I instructed my legislators to declare the Ukraine regions of Donetsk and Luhansk to be new republics under my authority, in preparation for my special military operation, he called the move a pretty smart one.
In fact, I am inspired by his example. He was trying to end his alliance with Europe because they were not giving him enough respect.
That is exactly what I am doing now. Getting my respect back.
So, please understand. In invading Ukraine, I am doing a favor to mankind.
Xi Jinping and China love me, too. They will help me overcome the sanctions because they love people and understand the damage the West is doing.
Sooner or later they will invade Taiwan to stop them from continuing down the wrong path of wanting to be independent. Xi Jinping will sacrifice his people to save the Taiwanese.
And when they choose to do so, I will help them because they are helping me today.
And I will do everything possible to help Donald get back to being president. That way we can divide the world. One part for me — the King — one part for Xi — the prince — the other part for Donald, the other prince.
And working together we will end poverty and inequality and racism and crime and the human race will prosper and live happily ever after.
So long as everyone surrenders their dreams of being independent. That’s not so hard to do.
Long live dependence!’
Oscar Valdes oscarvaldes.net medium.com anchor.fm, buzzsprout, apple and google podcasts.
